Simply Resistible
By Kamal Sunavala

A while ago I had written an article about going to see Moliere's play L'Ecole des Femmes. In that I had concluded that it is pitiable that there are men like the male protagonist Arnolphe who see women as little more than chattel. I used to think Czech men were cads in the way they treated their women but our dear friends across the Atlantic, as usual, must prove that they are one step ahead.

Cut to a quiet afternoon at a takeaway restaurant with three people waiting for a late lunch. Me and two American men in their twenties. This is the conversation I overheard while waiting for my lunch and trying to read Half a life by V. S. Naipaul. Let's call them Tom and Dick although by the end of it you'll probably think they should both have been named the latter.

Tom: So I went out with Petra last night.
Dick: Oh yeah? How was it? Anything interesting happen?
Tom: Totally not. She started gettin all sweet and mushy.
Dick: Yuck. Jesus man, I thought she was meant to be a one night thing.
Tom: Hey, she called me. And she had a friend so I thought why not? Maybe her friend is better. I mean Petra doesn't really have a nice rack on her, you know?
Dick: Don't waste your time man!
Tom: I know right. Like I'm looking for love in the Czech Republic. But these Czech girls man, they're like beggin for it, right?
Dick: Oh I know what you mean. I mean I've been here almost a year and all I have to do is stand in a bar with my American accent and these tits are in my face.
Tom: I know! It's great, isn't it? But I am kinda getting sick of Petra. I mean we've been out for like what, four dates, and she's gettin all cosy and shit.
Dick: Well, if she wants to have sex what's your problem?
Tom: No problem, I just don't wanna have a girlfriend here, you know.
Dick: Don't worry about that. Czech girls are into sex. A lot. You can like disappear totally. Tell her you're going back to America!
Tom: I can do that, can't I?
Dick: She probably has a boyfriend you know. I know a thing or two about Czech girls. They're two-timing bitches for the most part. I mean they always have it in the back of their heads right, that he has an American passport. My boyfriend is like from Olomuc or some dumbass place like that.
Tom: Conniving bitches aren't they?
Dick: Yeah, don't fall for the sweet act. They all want the same thing you do. And a little more.
Tom: Which I don't.
Dick: No way! So did you meet the friend?
Tom: Yeah, you'd like her. Your type!
Dick: Fix up something for the weekend then. If she's got a body I have the condoms.
Tom: Oh she has a body to die for! Infact, I'm going to dump Petra and call Lenka and ask her if she has a friend. That way, all we have to do on Friday is buy booze and let things move from there.
Dick: Yeah, a couple of drinks is usually good for them. Also like it helps to tell them how different they are from American girls and that's why you like them.
Tom: Where do you pick up these things?
Dick: Hey man, I live here. I know how to work these girls. As I said, they don't have anything better and don't feel bad about it because they're cheating on someone too.
Tom: Right, oh hey, talking of that, my girlfriend's coming to visit next week.
Dick: No way! Mine's coming at the end of the month!

I kid you not.
Mercifully, my lunch was ready. But by then, I had lost all appetite for it.